So yeah, Absolute Intense Wrestling proved to me again why I should support Independent wrestling on March 14th, 2014. In my life, I have gone to two WWE events; a SmackDown! taping in 2009 that had my favorite match of all time take place (John Morrison vs. Rey Mysterio for the IC Belt) and a RAW in 2012 where the Rock and John Cena rapped and sung songs pertaining to their match at Wrestlemania 28. While WWE had the better production and a bigger audience, it can’t touch the pure fun and enjoyment I had at a bingo hall with 100+ at GftG 9. While December’s “Dead Presidents” may objectively been the better show, selfishly, I prefer this show more on the principal of my fan involvement, which I will get into more detail about as we run down the results.
Match 1: Dicks and Flips (Ty Colton and Flip Kendrick) Defeated Youthenazia (Matt Cross and Josh Prohibition)
Reactions: Nice little match to get the crowd warmed up, but nothing too special. The ending banter between Josh and Matt hinted at dissension in Youthenazia.
Highlight: The crowd making jokes about dicks. Ah, wrestling fans, mature to the core.
Match 2: Tyson Dux Defeated Shane Hollister, Trevor Lee, and Davey Vega
Reactions: If the last match was to warm up the crowd, this match got them hot. I’ve never seen Dux, Hollister, or Lee wrestle before, but this was a great introduction to all three; Dux reminds me of a machine/dragon, Lee is obnoxiously loathsome and if you know me, I love me a obnoxious heel, and Hollister just went beast mode. Davey Vega also looked damn impressive and as far as hot, young talent is concerned, he’s up there. Fast paced action, cool spots, and overall, a fine match.
Highlight: The fans on their feet for most of the match and Hollister’s kicks.
Me and Vega.
Me and Dux.
Me and Shane Hollister.
Match 3: The Jollyville Fuck-Its (“Nasty” Russ Meyers and T-Money) (C) Defeated The Batiri (Obaryion and Kodama) w/h Veronica Ticklefeather to retain the AIW Tag Team Championship
Reaction: Okay match, though I was firmly in the corner of the Batiri. T-Money’s POOOOOUNNNCEEEE is still one of the sickest looking finishers I’ve ever seen, yet also one of the most simple.
Highlights: Veronica looking lovely as usual, T-Money’s POOOOOOOOUNNNCEEEE, and the Batiri having sex with a box of Poptarts I gave them.
Me and the Batiri
Me and Veronica.
Match 4: “#ALLEGO” Ethan Page w/h Seleziya Sparx Defeated Bobby Beverly to become #30 in the Gauntlet
Reaction: Page and Beverly both looked great. Page’s gimmick of calling himself “The Jesus Christ of Professional Wrestling” is absolutely fantastic and makes for great heel antics. Beverly continues to impress and is establishing himself as a force to be reckoned with in Ohio wrestling.
Highlight: This exchange between me and Page:
Ethan Page: I’M JESUS!
Me: Fuck off Page!
Page: *turns to me*: You don’t go to church, do you?
Me; Well, I’m an athiest.
Entire Arena: OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
Page: No wonder you don’t like me.
Match 5: Louis Lyndon (C) Defeated ACH to retain the AIW Intense Championship
Reaction: Lyndon is an awful, annoying, obnoxious heel and, of course, I love him. ACH made his return to AIW and put on a damn fine match with Lyndon that showed a lot of chemistry between the two. I hope to see more of “Young Simba” in AIW and I hope his ROH contract will make that possible.
Highlights: Lyndon scream-offs with fans, ACH’s Falcon Punch.
Me and ACH.
Match 6: Tim “Fucking” Donst Defeated “War King” Eddie Kingston
Reactions: Holy shit. I need to stop going to Tim Donst matches because everytime I do, my head gets woozy from me screaming and chanting “Tim Fucking Donst”. Anyway, this was the match that made me want to buy a ticket ASAP. Kingston and Donst have had one of the more brutal and personal rivalries in Indy wrestling and to see them kick each other’s ass like this was fantastic. I sincerely hope that this isn’t the final match between these two, because these guys and this rivalry deserves one final war to settle the score.
Highlights: Kingston ripping my “War King Tombstone” sign, Donst making Kingston tap out, the crowd firmly on the side of Donst.
Match 7: “Unbreakable” Michael Elgin (C) Defeated Andrew Everett to retain the AIW Absolute Championship
Reactions: I now believe Elgin can do no wrong. While he isn’t a personal favorite of mine like Chuck Taylor, Tim Donst, or Greg Iron, I believe Elgin is currently one of the top talents today and can work a great match with anyone. Everett also looked pretty good, as the former Chiva Kid played a very smarmy, cocky young gun against Elgin’s proud and powerful champion. Good match between the two, and I look forward to see where both go in AIW after this.
Highlights: This exchange between me and Elgin:
*Michael Elgin goes for an Apron-Top Rope Superplex*
Me: No fucking way!
Elgin: *looks me in the eyes* Yes. Fucking. Way.
Match 8: Tim Donst defeated 29 other wrestlers to win the Gauntlet for the Gold and earn an AIW title shot at “Absolution IX”
Reactions: The Gauntlet is essentially a Royal Rumble, so if you have ever seen a Rumble, you have a good idea how the match went. Donst winning make me feel like 2014 will be the Year of Donst, and I am all for that.
Highlights: The Iron Curtain DESTROYING Veda Scott, Scott gigging herself, Jock Samson returning to try and convince Seleziya to sleep with him behind a dumpster, Jimmy Olsen returning, Ethan Page and Louis Lyndon’s faces, Marion Fontaine’s interactions with people and making it into the Final 4.
Me and Benjamin Boone of the Iron Curtain
Me and BJ Whitmer.
Final Thoughts: Overall, another fantastic show. A smaller show than something like “Dead Presidents” or January’s “TGIF”, but still a fun night of action with great talent, both large and unknown. If you haven’t started watching AIW, pick up the DVDs or .MP4 files from SmarkMarkVideo.com right away. $15 a pop is a great price for these shows.
Matches of the Night: Donst vs. Kingston, Dux vs. Hollister vs. Vega vs. Lee
Wrestler of the Night: Tim Donst